The 2024-25 English Championship concluded on May 3, and Leeds United gained promotion to the Premier League. Once the celebrations had died down and the hangovers had worn off, thousands of Leeds United fans were left wondering what to do during the three or so months before the new season kicks off.
One Leeds United fan contacted The Yorkshire Tribune after making a remarkable discovery during the off-season: he has a wife and child. James Boland of Horsforth has been a loyal Leeds United supporter since the 1991-92 campaign when Leeds captured the old Division 1 title. He has followed the Whites home and away for the past decade but has been left high and dry since the final whistle blew in May.
“Football is my life. The only football going on is that FIFA Club World Cup crap over in America, and I can’t be arsed staying up to watch any of those games.”
Boland said he had found himself unsure of what to do on Saturdays until he made a life-changing discovery.
“It turns out I have a wife. Not only that, but I’ve got a kid, too. One Saturday afternoon, I heard some noise from the living room and thought I had a burglar in the house. After investigating, I discovered a woman and a young girl sitting on the sofa watching Frozen. I spoke to them, and the woman claimed to be my wife and the girl, Sophie, is apparently my five-year-old daughter. They don’t seem too bad, actually.”
Leeds United Are Back in Action on August 18
The 2025-26 Premier League season begins on August 15, with champions Liverpool hosting AFC Bournemouth. Leeds aren’t in action until August 18, when Sky Sports will broadcast their home fixture against Everton on Monday Night Football.
August 30, 2022, was the last time these two teams met at Elland Road. Clare Balding’s stunt double Anthony Gordon gave the Toffees a 17th-minute lead before traitor scum bastard Luis Sinisterra equalised for the home side ten minutes after halftime.
“I’m really looking forward to the new season,” Boland told The Yorkshire Tribune, “Especially as we’re at home for the first game. Everton are crap so bagging three points right away would be amazing. I just hope that woman and kid are still in my house when I get home at some point.”
Third Favourites for Relegation
Every football fan knows that the gulf between the Championship and the Premier League is bigger than ever, not least because of the various financial fair play rules the top flight imposes. Daniel Farke‘s men are the third-favourites to be relegated back to the Championship, meaning the bookmakers believe Leeds will not beat the dreaded drop.
While this may be the case, many Leeds United fans, including Boland, are quietly confident that they will still be a Premier League side next year.
“There’s a much better vibe from this squad,” Boland explained. “Farke’s football is ridiculously methodical and boring, and his record in the Premier League is terrible, but we can stay up. We need a few new bodies before the transfer window closes, but at least we don’t have Victor Orta, the Spanish ape, spending millions on shit players that would struggle to get in the Dog Botherers team.”
