NHS England has poured cold water on a Leeds man’s claims that he is suffering from a debilitating virus. Arthur Ninch believes he has contracted a deadly virus that makes COVID-19 seem like a walk in the park. However, NHS England says Mr Ninch is “being a fanny” and has nothing more than the common cold.
Arthur Ninch is a 28-year-old man from Halton Moor who thoroughly believes his body is harbouring the most deadly virus known to man. After starting with a running nose, a sore throat, and a slight cough, Mr Ninch described how he felt the bug sweep through his body.
“Whatever it is, it is awful,” said Mr Ninch to the Yorkshire Tribune. “My nose was running, I started coughing, and there was no way I could work while practically being on my deathbed. I had no choice but to call in sick; I’ll probably take the next four or five days off, too.”
Mr Ninch told our reporter about the debilitating symptoms of the virus. By far the worst is that he only managed to play five hours on his Xbox instead of his usual eight, and found it difficult and painful to scream and shout for three of those hours.
It’s Nothing But a Cold, Says NHS England
The Yorkshire Tribune contacted NHS England to get their thoughts on this potentially deadly virus. A spokesperson quickly dismissed the severity of the virus and its effects.
“Our team of doctors and scientists have observed the patient and can almost categorically confirm that he has a strain of the common cold. Mr Ninch is being a fanny, which is not something new because he once had two days off work after a fart stung his arse.”
NHS England advised our readers that the country is approaching the common cold season. Falling temperatures, inclement weather, and people heating their homes with central heating all contribute to the widespread suffering from the sniffles.
Blowing your nose into a tissue and disposing of it in the bin, regular hand washing, keeping dry, and wrapping up warm are all things NHS England says help prevent catching and spreading a cold.
“If you come down with the cold, drink plenty of fluids, keep warm, and rest up if the cold is particularly heavy. The common cold’s symptoms only last for a few days before subsiding. Stop being a fanny and get on with it.”
