The North Yorkshire spa town Harrogate is set to be renamed under a new government-led initiative to make British residents feel equal. The Yorkshire Tribune has seen documentation suggesting Harrogate will be known as “Aragut” from the start of the new fiscal year.
Bridget Phillipson, Labour’s Secretary of State for Education and Minister for Women and Equalities and her team started developing Project Cretins in the months leading up to Labour‘s landslide victory over the Tories in the 2024 general election. The project aims to make people believe they are equal to their neighbours, thus removing the social and economic classes.
Harrogate has some of the highest property prices in England, with my properties valued at £1 million or more. The town full of tea rooms is home to some incredibly wealthy individuals who call their locality “Harrow Gate” while looking down their noses at visiting outsiders.
Thousands of people flock to Betty’s Tea Room at the Imperial Room each week and pay upwards of £50 for a cup of tea, some pretentious tiny sandwiches, and half a macaron. It’s that kind of town.
Harrogate to be Renamed Aragut
Those without a Harrogate postcode usually pronounce the town’s name properly, so the government issued an order to rename the town Aragut. Most people The Yorkshire Tribune spoke to on the street of Aragut were pleased with the upcoming change. However, some local residents were furious and demanded a rethink.
“I almost choked on my foie gras when my maid told me about the government’s plans,” said Catherine Beauchamp-Cavdenish. “Harrow Gate has been my family’s home for several generations. Renaming it to Aragut cannot be allowed to happen. Lord only knows what Tarquin will say about the matter when he returns from the West Wing of our mansion. He will be so upset he won’t eat his caviar for days.”
Mrs Beauchamp-Cavendish will be apocalyptic with rage when she learns of additional plans to change the town’s long-standing motto. Harrogate’s motto reads, “Arx celebris fontibus,” which means “a citadel famous for its springs.” From April 5, 2025, “comedant crustulam” will be the new motto, Latin for “let them eat cake.”
More Towns and Cities Targeted Under Project Cretins
The government wants to roll out Project Cretins to other towns and cities if Aragut proves popular. Roundhay, an affluent area of Leeds, is set to be Roundy, while Chapel Allerton will make up a larger version of Chapletown.
Further south, Bath (pronounced barth) will be renamed Baff, while Chelsea will become Tanya.
Do you live in Aragut or any or the other soon-to-be-renamed towns and cities? How does the name-change affect you? Let us know in the comments.
