It’s almost Halloween, which means in a couple of days, thousands of children up and down the United Kingdom will go begging at strangers’ doors in complete contravention of what we teach them. Those organised folks among you will have already kitted out Little Jimmy in a scary Halloween outfit. If you are still to choose what your little crotch goblin will wear, and you like to think outside of the box, these five outfits are worth considering.
Maggie Thatcher
Someone must dress as a celebrity figure at Halloween, so it may as well be you or your loved ones. Marathon-running nonce extraordinaire Jimmy Savile is an obvious go-to in these times; that scary mofo had a paedophilic range of 26 miles! However, we think outside the box at The Yorkshire Tribune, so Maggie Thatcher gets the nod.
Nicknamed the “Iron Lady,” an image of Thatcher naked in a bath of baked beans is often used by gentlemen wanting to “keep the wolf from the door” during the heights of passion. She was a challenging wank in her youth, but she has been dead for 11 years, so is most likely even scarier these days.
A Thermostat
Keeping with the political theme, why not dress as a heating thermostat? After all, the thought of turning the dial to more than 12 degrees will terrify pensioners this winter after Two-tier Sir Keir Starmer pulled the winter fuel payments for thousands of elderly folk.
If you don’t fancy walking around dressed as a thermostat, you could achieve the same effect by wearing a costume based on food or warm clothing because the poor old buggers won’t be able to afford either during the winter months.
An Immigration Officer
Strike fear into the hearts of Beeston, Holbeck, and Dewsbury residents by donning an immigration officer’s uniform on October 31. Nigel Fromage‘s Send The Buggers Back (STBB) Party will have you believe areas such as these are awash with illegal immigrants who should be returned to their home countries, despite being fourth and fifth-generational Asian Britons.
A Huddersfield Town Fan
Halloween isn’t only for the kids; you can scare dogs shitless, too, by dressing up as a Huddersfield Town supporter. Fans of The Terriers, better known outside t’Uddersfield as the Dog Botherers, are known to send our canine companions into a blind panic with their very presence. They’ll be scared half to death with the week-long firework displays that people have spent their benefits on, so you may as well get in on the action early while they still have some barks left.
An Erroneous Entry on a Bank Statement
This one goes out to all the dads out there who have ever mistakenly used their joint current account to sign up for some adult services. We’re talking about subscriptions to see Kelsy-Leigh’s gutted hamster on OnlyFans or the shameful act of using a VOD service to watch an episode of Friends.
Creating an outfit that looks like a bank statement with the erroneous entry circled in red as if your wife has discovered it is simple yet effective. Fellow dads will give you a telling nod before switching to paperless statements later that evening.
