A government-funded study on fashion trends has revealed men who regularly wear ankle-length trousers are more likely to be twats. The study discovered that the effect is amplified if the trouser wearer neglects to wear socks.
The same group is responsible for bringing you life-changing investigations into how to make a cup of tea, the best way to butter your toast, and whether or not it is possible to sneeze with your eyes open was tasked with finding out what fashion trends were most likely to sported by total bellends.
“We hung around offices, pubs, clubs, and other venues where young men socialised and noted the fashion choices of those most people in society would consider a prick. There was no doubt that ankle-length trousers were the go-to garbs for men in this personality category. The results were overwhelming.”
Ankle-Length Trousers Are Just Part of the Problem
Although the study found ankle-length trousers were the foundation of a typical twat, some other items and accessories combine to create a Mega Twat and the End-Game Boss, the Giga Twat. In order to qualify for the Giga Twat title, a man must tick seven of the nine prime characteristics:
- Ankle-length trousers and no socks
- Brown brogues
- A grandad shirt unbuttoned to almost the naval
- A top-knot hairstyle
- Turkey teefs
- A tattoo that extends onto the neck
- Twisted leather bracelets
- Owns an overly large or tiny dog
- Paying for a Mercedes or other luxury car using an overly expensive hire purchase agreement
Maximilian Romario III, founder of men’s fashion brand Trends With After Thoughts (TWAT), says the study’s findings are unfair to young men, many of whom just want to have some air circulating around their legs.
“We at Trends With After Thoughts are disgusted at the recent study into men’s fashion. We actively encourage people to be sheep and follow the crowd in their attempts to look and feel cool. The money fashion houses save by reducing the fabric on trouser legs by an inch or two helps keep us in cocaine for the month.”
Such Fashion Is Unwelcomed in The Three Legs
The Yorkshire Tribune decided to perform its own study into the recent trend of ankle-length trousers. By study, we mean we asked one inebriated middle-aged man puffing on a Woodbine cigarette outside The Three Legs. Darren Whitaker pulled no punches when relaying his thoughts to our roving reporter.
“When we were kids, we’d take the piss and even beat up the other kids whose clothes didn’t fit them proper. We’d make jokes and tell them to put some jam on their shoes and invite their trousers down for tea. If any of those ankle-length trouser earing twats comes in ‘ere when Judge Jules and Paul Oakenfold are playing at Christmas, they’ll get what for.”
A New Fashion Trend Is Emerging
The catwalks of Paris and Milan are awash with men sporting what appears to be the latest fashion trend. Knee-length trousers, which are definitely not shorts, look to set the high-street fashion scene on fire. The Yorkshire Tribune is monitoring the situation and will report back any findings once things become clearer.
