The New Year is here and millions of people worldwide have set themselves aims, goals and targets for 2025. New Year’s Resolutions can be as straightforward or as challenging as you like. Popular resolutions include losing weight, improving fitness levels, and stopping smoking. They are meant to last all year, but one Manchester man broke his New Year’s Resolution within the first minute of 2025.
James Gallagher of Gorton, Manchester, sets ambitious goals every year. In the past few years, he has stopped smoking, learned to read, and even got a job. However, his goal for 2025 proved too much for him and, indeed, many of his fellow Mancunians.
“Me and ‘r kid had just polished off a crate of Foster’s and were waiting for Daz to drop off another three for £100 that we were getting on the tick. It dawned on me that I’d not set any New Year’s Resolutions, so we got thinking. After a few minutes, our shared brain cell had an idea. I was buzzing and mad for it,” Gallagher told the Yorkshire Tribune.
Joy turned to despair even before Gallagher and his brother had finished dancing to a baseline version of Auld Lang Syne around the sofa in their front garden. With the clock displaying 12:01 a.m., Gallagher’s New Year’s Resolution was in tatters.
New Year’s Resolution Broken Within a Minute
For 2025, Gallagher’s New Year’s Resolution was not to be a total bellend. As he danced around in his garish full Armani tracksuit he’d bought on Very, his baseball cap balanced on his head instead of wearing it, and his little manbag flapping all over the place, it dawned on Gallagher that being a bellend was in his genes.
“I was gutted, but ‘r kid was trying his best to cheer me up by making our XL bully do shots of red Aftershock,” Gallagher explained, “I didn’t want to be a bellend, but that’s what I am. I support Man United for a start, so the goal was going to be almost impossible right away.”
Like many Mancunians, Gallagher is a prize pillock destined to a life of 35p energy drinks, displaying “live, life, love” on his living room wall and wallpapering his fridge. Although Gallagher fell at the first hurdle, we should applaud him for having the ambition to better himself, a trait he doesn’t share with many Lancastrians.
Possible Resolutions for 2026
While Gallagher and his brother were rolling a joint of squidgy black, the dim-witted yokel gave the Yorkshire Tribune a handful of possible goals he’ll set for 2026.
- Pay off Daz the Dealer the £300 he owes him
- Stop stealing flowers from graveyards
- Don’t say “mush” for an entire year
- Stop knocking one out on the bus on his way to signing on
