Sources close to the England camp have informed The Yorkshire Tribune that Peter Beardsley and Chris Waddle could be set for a shock return to the national team when Thomas Tuchel names his squad for the 2026 FIFA World Cup qualifier against Andorra on June 7.
Tuchel took over the England national team on January 1, replacing the risk-averse and downright boring Sir Gareth Southgate. Tuchel, who won the UEFA Champions League during his Chelsea reign, announced his first England squad on March 14; some selections raised more than a few eyebrows.
A Few Surprises in Tuchel’s First England Squad
Where Southgate religiously stuck to the same players he had faith in, and previous England managers have picked players based on their ability, not their form, Tuchel selected a handful of players for a bit of a jolly and a catch-up.
The German brought Reece James, who he worked with at Chelsea, into the fold despite only managing to play 14 games in all competitions this season due to his hamstrings being made from papier-mache. He also selected Liverpool’s Jarrell Quansah despite the defender’s lack of game time and love of texting young girls.
Tuchel’s biggest shocks came further up the pitch. Jordan Henderson climbed out of his Scrooge McDuck-like swimming pool of money following his short stint in Saudi Arabia, where he apparently went to promote exclusivity. And Marcus Rashford, who was made surplus to requirements at the shittest Manchester United team ever because his attitude was stinking out the cesspit.
Beardsley and Waddle Dust Off Their Boots
Agent Tuchel’s willingness to choose players who can hardly walk, are out of form, and are a bit of a dickhead has given hope to some former England stars. Peter Beardsley and Chris Waddle are 64, but they could still do a job if asked.
Beardsley made 879 professional appearances and scored 280 goals during his long and illustrious career. He also pulled on an England shirt 59 times and scored nine goals. Beardsley’s seven-month football ban after being found guilty of racist and abusive language is another string in his bow.
Waddle was an incredible player with a magic wand for a left foot. “Magic Chris” played 734 games, scored 148 goals, and created dozens more for the likes of Newcastle United, Tottenham Hotspur, Marseille, and Sheffield Wednesday.
Tuchel Off to a Winning Start
Despite some questionable squad choices and deploying the team in a 4-2-3-1 formation that would have made Southgate get wood, Tuchel’s England career got off to a winning start.
They dominated from start to finish against Albania, a nation of drug and people smugglers, ultimately winning 2-0. It was a similar story against Latvia, with England beating the Horse Heads 3-0 at Wembley.
Although winning games is the most important thing, there were no signs of Tuchel putting his stamp on the England team. We all know what will happen next. England will sail through the World Cup qualifiers, struggle to get out of their group, fall over the line in the Round of 16, and lose, probably on penalties, to the first half-decent opponent they face.
At least watching Beardsley and Waddle stumble around the pitch should provide some entertainment. Heth heth heth heth.
